"When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer."

yes. this is where i'm at. i've been doing a whole lot of doubting lately. i'm doubting myself. i'm doubting people. i'm doubting my situation. i've been doubting gods faithfulness to me. so much doubt has been filling my heart and mind. i remembered something i wrote a few months back about how awesome and faithful god had been to me at that specific time in my life. here it is.

perfect timing

obeying god is hard but one of the most rewarding things ever. this is what i mean -

for a few weeks i knew some things needed to change in my little life to make things easier at home. i needed to be focused on being here in virginia beach. jim elliot’s words wherever you are, be all there were constantly in the back of my head but meant nothing to me. i was putting so much focus and energy on things that had nothing to do with things at home. for some reason i could not figure out why my prayers for a job, a church, and friends were not being answered. it was because i had stopped praying for them because i didn’t care. i didn’t want to be here. i wanted to be back in college life because everything was good there and clearly things could not be as good here. i spent time focusing on something that i was comfortable with, something i knew so well. but even that was changing. i knew my life was changing and i needed to get 100% onboard with that. i needed to make changes and obey some things god had been telling me to do. i hate change because i like control. he said see ya bye control. i needed to trust and obey. after god threw so many signs to me in conversations with dear friends, articles and scripture i had been reading, prayer, and through change i knew i needed to make changes so i could be fully focused on being here. obeying god for the first time with something that needed to change was one of the hardest things i have had to do. but he proved himself to be faithful in that change. the peace and contentment i was praying for finally took control over my life. slowly my prayers were being answered - i made some great connections with my younglife girls and am looking to start a huddle group with some freshmen girls. i randomly woke up two sundays ago and decided to go to this church in virginia beach that i love. i got the job i applied for over a month ago on thursday! i will be nannying and doing some speech therapy stuff with a precious two year old. i taught my first campaigners. it wasn’t how i wanted it to go but god knew what needed to be said. if it didn’t help my students at least it got me thinking on one thing - do i love people well. and here i am now on a gloomy monday morning drinking an iced coffee rejoicing in god’s faithfulness to me in the change. and here i am - praying for restoration for certain things in my life. at church on sunday we took communion and talked about restoration. it was a beautiful service. one thing the pastor said was god’s plan all along - to bring restoration where innocence was lost. jesus did not come to make us better. he came to make us new. my prayer for restoration started a while ago. he answered that in multiple ways in my life - one is restoring hope in his faithfulness. how i got there? trusting and obeying him. my friend just tweeted obedience doesn’t merely reflect faith; obedience leads to faith.  that one phrase is how i could describe this process i am going through. i have faith that he will bring restoration when and where it needs to be. until then i will trust and obey. 

“but blessed is the man who trusts in the lord, whose confidence is in him. he will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. it does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. it has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. who can understand it? “i the lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”  jeremiah 17:7-10

what an encouragement it is to me to be able to look back at such a chaotic time in my life and see gods faithfulness to me through my obedience to him. hello renewed hope. hello comfort.

bless the lord, o my soul, for the lord has been good to me!