"...when the heart and the life are right, rooted in Christ, knowledge will come in such measure as Christ's own wisdom sees meet." - Andrew Murray

y'all, my time with the lord today wrecked me. i mean that in the best way possible. my reading for today is about wisdom. when i saw the title i thought it wasn't going to be all that great...just some random stuff about the wisdom of god. first, i should be stoked about learning more about that. hello stupid me. second, when i go in with the thought of "oh this will be so-so" god tends to smack me in the face with something huge. like today.

i didn't even make it to the halfway mark in the chapter without having to stop and sit in something that i read. andrew murray writes it is only when god shines into the heart and christ jesus dwells there, that the light of the knowledge of god in the face of christ can be seen. there are a thousand questions that at times come up, and the attempt to answer them becomes a weariness and a burden. it is because you have forgotten you are in christ, whom god has made to be your wisdom. let it be your first care to abide in him in undivided fervent devotion of heart; when the heart and the life are right, rooted in christ, knowledge will come in such measure as christ's own wisdom sees meet. 

i feel like so many questions have come up lately from different people asking them or questions i've been asking myself...and like i said before, satan definitely attacks me in that area. but i feel like i always need to have an answer for people or i feel like i have failed them. then those questions that pop up in my head about myself, what's next, different relationships - i try as best as i can to come up with a reason things are the way they are or i try to pick apart how other people think so that i can come up with an answer. it's weird. i'm weird. i think too much. then i become exhausted. i can't sleep. i can't enjoy things like i normally would if i didn't have so many questions i think i need to answer.

and then i read that. 

abide in jesus: your life in him will lead you to that fellowship with god in which the only true knowledge of god is to be had. that's what i need to do - abide. with abiding trust is built and rest is found in christ. it's okay to not have all of the answers to all the questions life throws my way. he has gone before me and has made a way. seek him first and trust. 

i feel like i'm in this really cool season of life where i'm finally truly desiring that intimate relationship with god on a daily basis...not just once a week or feeling like i have to. and this idea of abiding in him is just entirely too good just to keep an idea. i've learned a lot about what abiding in jesus looks like and i'm starting to practice that in my life. he has been so good to me in this process.

lately i have felt like i need to have the answers to everything but how good is it to know he doesn't want my answers, he just wants me. 

abide.

tuesdays will be my day to share what i've been listening to. some new jams. some old jams.

i woke up and saw there will be a new city and colour album out in june. (yay!) so i thought it would be nice to listen to some city and colour this morning. todays song is little hell. dallas green is such a stud. his music is simple and delightful. i hope you enjoy this little tune.

praying for protection. the lord has been faithful in answering that. praying for contentment when it comes to how he is protecting me...whelp, it doesn't seem like anything is happening.

i'm really stoked how god has been hearing my prayers and answering them in his perfect time. these have been things i have been praying for for months -- job, boom he provided. church, boom he provided that. today i prayed someone would find my moms watch and as soon as i was done praying that my mom called not even a minute later to tell me they found the watch..boom, he provided. protection in different relationships, boom he is providing. however, things are changing.

i don't handle inconsistency well in my life. nope, not at all. when people get real sketch i tend to think it's because of something i did wrong or that in all actuality they probably weren't all that invested in the relationship at all. (oh how satan attacks the way i perceive things and how i think!) and that sucks. that's where i am at right now. so i've been praying for contentment in the changes. i feel like i'm constantly reminding myself that god has something better for me and i need to let go and embrace the changes. easier said my friends. so i get frustrated and every little thing gets to me. but i'm starting to think i need to change my prayer from contentment to straight up acceptance. kinda the same but not really. i need to grip reality like a big girl and trust that it is for my good...and in the process of the changes i don't like i need to love people well. and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. romans 8:28 could not be more perfect. so even though i don't really understand why god is making so many drastic changes in my life i am choosing to accept those and trust because he wants what is best for me.

yes, it hurts and it is going to continue to hurt. i can't even begin to tell you how many times i've been upset over some of the changes in my life. but he tears us apart so that he can heal us. he is allowing me to hurt so that he can heal me. now comes my part of accepting the truth in that and return to him.

come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. -- hosea 6:1

"What does it mean to practically hear the Lord? He uses Scripture, the Holy Spirit and His people." - Audrey Brooks

my prayer life has been incredible lately. i have been asking things from the lord and he has been faithful. things have been changing, a lot, and i don't really like it...but i know he has my best in mind. i just need to get over myself, trust and wait. a new prayer has been on my heart -- a prayer to rest in the lord. i've been praying it for a few weeks now. god used my trip to tuscaloosa to refresh my heart but i am still in need of true rest. i'm not just talking about sleep either. i'm talking about rest that gives me true peace and leaves me refreshed.

i had this idea to go away for a day or night to a new place i have never been - a place where i wouldn't know anyone, a place where i could disconnect from everything and everyone, a place to be alone before the lord and retreat. i felt like the lord was telling me that but i was a bit skeptical at first. but then he started speaking out to me through his perfect word, his spirit and his people.

the first was his spirit. i've been reading abide in christ by andrew murray. i'm taking in so much about what it looks like to actually be a branch and truly live in the true vine. through that, and so much prayer, i feel in tune with the spirit. his voice has been clear and i think it's because of how much time i've been spending alone with the lord. granted, he easily could speak into my life without me doing anything to get close to him. he is god. i'm not trying to put a box on him. it just feels more real i guess because the things the spirit has been telling me go hand-in-hand with what i am reading. and like i said before, he has been speaking to me through my prayer life. ahhhh, it is so so good. so that's that.

the next thing he has been using is his scripture. part of my quiet time was spent reading the story in mark 6 -- when jesus tells his disciples to get on the boat and go to the other side of the lake then he retreats to a mountain to pray. then a friend tweeted isaiah 30:15 -- in repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. those are just two things i've read that talk about going away and being alone before the lord. i do spend time with him daily...but then it's off to work, or younglife or hanging out with friends. none of those things are bad. the lord definitely fills me up daily but i have not stopped to take time to actually rest and be before the creator of the universe in a long, long time.

the third way he has been speaking to me is through friends. i can't begin to tell y'all how many people are praying specifically for rest for me. it's been a common theme in the texts i've been receiving from so many people the last few weeks. then i had a girl from younglife tell me that yes, i should get that cabin for a night i was halfway joking about and go retreat and rest. all of these people speaking into my life probably didn't know i have been praying for rest for weeks now. i love how the lord works and uses people without them knowing it.

i am thankful god is speaking to me through his word, spirit and people. it is such a cool reminder that he is in fact near to me and wants me to be near to him.

selah.

All His fullness and all His riches are for thee, O believer; for the Vine does not live for itself, keeps nothing for itself, but exists only for the branches. - Andrew Murray

i am going through abide in christ by andrew murray again. i started reading chapter 4 this past saturday. it was so good for where i am at right now. when i read that he exists only for the branches i just had to stop and soak that in. i am a branch. brothers and sisters, each of you are branches. feel the weight of that. he has our backs. he equips us with everything we need to go out and start bearing fruit. why? because he is in us and we are in him. "remain in me and i will remain in you." go out. be confident. bear fruit. he has us y'all. he has us wrapped up in his arms. the lord is good. ALL his fullness and ALL his riches are for YOU. accept that and grow.