"...when the heart and the life are right, rooted in Christ, knowledge will come in such measure as Christ's own wisdom sees meet." - Andrew Murray

y'all, my time with the lord today wrecked me. i mean that in the best way possible. my reading for today is about wisdom. when i saw the title i thought it wasn't going to be all that great...just some random stuff about the wisdom of god. first, i should be stoked about learning more about that. hello stupid me. second, when i go in with the thought of "oh this will be so-so" god tends to smack me in the face with something huge. like today.

i didn't even make it to the halfway mark in the chapter without having to stop and sit in something that i read. andrew murray writes it is only when god shines into the heart and christ jesus dwells there, that the light of the knowledge of god in the face of christ can be seen. there are a thousand questions that at times come up, and the attempt to answer them becomes a weariness and a burden. it is because you have forgotten you are in christ, whom god has made to be your wisdom. let it be your first care to abide in him in undivided fervent devotion of heart; when the heart and the life are right, rooted in christ, knowledge will come in such measure as christ's own wisdom sees meet. 

i feel like so many questions have come up lately from different people asking them or questions i've been asking myself...and like i said before, satan definitely attacks me in that area. but i feel like i always need to have an answer for people or i feel like i have failed them. then those questions that pop up in my head about myself, what's next, different relationships - i try as best as i can to come up with a reason things are the way they are or i try to pick apart how other people think so that i can come up with an answer. it's weird. i'm weird. i think too much. then i become exhausted. i can't sleep. i can't enjoy things like i normally would if i didn't have so many questions i think i need to answer.

and then i read that. 

abide in jesus: your life in him will lead you to that fellowship with god in which the only true knowledge of god is to be had. that's what i need to do - abide. with abiding trust is built and rest is found in christ. it's okay to not have all of the answers to all the questions life throws my way. he has gone before me and has made a way. seek him first and trust. 

i feel like i'm in this really cool season of life where i'm finally truly desiring that intimate relationship with god on a daily basis...not just once a week or feeling like i have to. and this idea of abiding in him is just entirely too good just to keep an idea. i've learned a lot about what abiding in jesus looks like and i'm starting to practice that in my life. he has been so good to me in this process.

lately i have felt like i need to have the answers to everything but how good is it to know he doesn't want my answers, he just wants me. 

abide.